Julie Nelligan PhD | 5 Key Signs You’re in a Relationship That Will Actually Last
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5 Key Signs You’re in a Relationship That Will Actually Last

Have you ever wondered if you are in the right relationship? At some point while you are dating, you are going to wonder if this relationship is right for you, if this partner is truly THE ONE. How do you know if you are making a good decision or if you are blinded the honeymoon phase of the relationship? There are lots of articles online that help you identify unhappy relationships or toxic people. But, if you are in the honeymoon phase everything could look much rosier than they will be later. So, how can you tell the difference?

1. You can trust your partner

The biggest sign of a good relationship is TRUST. Do you trust your partner with your most intimate thoughts and desires? Do you know whether he or she will be there to support you if you need help? Would your partner help out around the house, come to your rescue if you were stranded, or stay by your side if you were going through a difficult time (emotionally or physically). Do you know your partner has your best interest at heart?

There are several signs you are having problems trusting your partner. Likewise, if you notice your partner doing any of these, it’s a sign they may not fully trust you.

• You are afraid to commit to the relationship.
• You hide significant things from your partner, such as your ex or an arrest record.
• You don’t tell your friends or family about your relationship.
• You feel compelled to check up on your partner (look in his/her phone or email)
• You can’t talk about what’s bothering you.

2. The relationship makes you feel good

A good relationship will help you feel good about yourself. Even if you have insecurities, your partner will make you feel better about yourself.

On the other hand, if your relationship fuels your anxieties and insecurities, it’s worth looking at what’s going on. Your partner may have criticisms of you, but in a healthy relationship your partner’s criticisms are delivered in a kind way and in a context that helps to soothe anxiety and insecurities.

3. Your partner supports you

You will feel that your partner “has your back.” This means that even if they don’t agree with you they will stand by your side, support you, and even defend you to others. They may disagree with you in private, but they will be united with you in social situations.

Not “having your back” happens when your partner criticizes you in front of others. It’s one thing for your partner to seek understanding of a difficult interaction by consulting a trusted friend before bringing the issue up with you. But it is an entirely different matter if your partner is putting you down, dismissing you, or criticizing you or your decisions to other people in an effort to feel better and justify their position, rather than seeking a better understanding of the relationship.

4. Your partner encourages you to be a better person

And the best indicator of all…you feel like being a better person because of the relationship. There will be something about the relationship that encourages you to make your partner proud of you. Your partner will lovingly hold you to a high standard and believe that you can do it in a way that makes you believe you can do it, too. When you do well your partner acknowledged it.

Beware of the situation where you tell yourself that your partner’s criticism is really in your best interest. If you repeatedly have to soothe yourself after a criticism, this isn’t encouragement to be a better person.

At the end of the day, you feel comfortable talking with your partner about your problems, thoughts, desires, and the relationship. You may consider when to have a conversation, but you aren’t concerned about whether to have the conversation. You can tell your partner your inner most thoughts, knowing that he or she will treat you with respect and kindness.

It’s good list to revisit occasionally. Relationships can change. In a new relationship trust takes time to develop and is something to monitor. Pay attention, ask questions, and above all be kind.

 

Julie
julie.nelligan@gmail.com
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