Julie Nelligan PhD | When Yes Means No
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When Yes Means No

Do you hate to say ‘no’ to others?

Do you think that by saying ‘no’ others will get angry or upset with you?

They might get upset, but…have you ever had a time when you said ‘yes’ but you meant ‘no’ and later, when you couldn’t come through for the person, they got upset with you?  Or, you said ‘yes’ but you meant ‘no’ and later realized that you didn’t have time for what YOU needed to do?

Saying ‘yes’ when you mean ‘no’ drains your energy.  It causes people to take advantage of you and takes away your personal power.  If you can’t say ‘no’, then other people have control over you, your time, and your energy.  Your life is not your own.

Saying what you mean is being truthful.  And, being truthful gives you a solid foundation to stand on.  Saying ‘yes’ when you mean ‘no’, puts you on a foundation of sand.  The sand will shift, you will lack integrity, and next thing you know, you will be in one of those situations (again?) where someone is upset.  Either your friend is upset because you can’t do what you promised, or you are upset, because keeping your word means you sacrifice something of importance to you.

If you repeatedly sacrifice what is important to you just because someone asked you to do them a favor, resentment can build and you may end up sacrificing the relationship.  How’s that for an undesireable outcome?  You said ‘yes’ to keep the peace but in reality you jeopardized the relationship.

It is hard to say ‘no’ but when we do it, it sends the message that we are taking care of ourselves.  When we take care of ourselves, we are better friends, family members, partners, and co-workers.  It actually makes us more dependable.

When you say what you mean, saying ‘yes’ is a great feeling.

nelligan
devin@eeginfo.com
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